Mamak...

Im a big girl but still sleep with my mamak.

Every time  when Im afraid to go sleep alone, I always sulk on her just to ask her sleep with me.

now...like every time..she is sleeping next to me.

Im watching up her back. 

Seen on my eyes her white hair that almost covered her black curly hair..

Her cheek no longer fat and tough

I remember when I was a little girl...I was like to pinch my mamak's cheek right when she was sleeping..

And she would wake up and beat me to sleep too..It was funny..and happy

And now Im just looking deeper into her back..I wont pinch her again and disturb her sleep.

In fact...my tears come out without permission..

How could I am. With this age...still never give mamak thing that make her proud to have me.

Thing that make her no more suffer because of me as the reason

Every because that appear with it is me the reason for why

Mamak...please just beat me till I numb.

I cant be your best daughter, until this day...

How embarassing I am, the plan that I make always ended by never undone..

I dont know how you feel about me mamak...Dont know what u say to Allah every time you raise your hand

 when you pray about me...

Im the worst daughter mak...

But still I ask you one thing...the only one pray that I'll always shout to Allah...

Please be patient...and wait me to make you glad..to have me...

Mamak...you and Bapak...are the most reason that make me still fight for spirit.

Ayu...Ani...and Dika...are my amanah to be their leader..

So that I'll give to you...the recompensation of the day that I worry you about.

Allah...please hear my pray..